The Hills Run Red

Slasher films are a dime-a-dozen. They really are. In the end, most of them can be summed up in just a few words: "scary guy in mask chases hot girl in *insert location here*." This is a sub-genre that is not appreciated for aspects such as acting, screenwriting, directing, etc... We come to these films for a few things: beautiful people, (often without a thought in their pretty little heads), said beautiful people being slashed, bludgeoned, burned, completely destroyed, and a cool killer. As entertaining as this formula can be *please refer to the Friday the 13th series*, there is no doubt that these films are getting stale.

Now, a little while back, I reviewed Cold Prey, a terrific little film that sought to place character development and genuine suspense over flashy, gorelicious kills. And whaddya know, it worked. New life was injected into a genre long thought stuck in the mud. Which now brings us to The Hills Run Red.

Tyler (Tad Hilgenbrinck) loves horror movies. Really, REALLY loves horror movies. He'll pass up a night of lovin' with his girlfriend Serina (Janet Montgomery) to pursue genre-related activities. He irritates his friend Lalo (Alex Wyndham) with his love of the genre. Even his room is plastered with many fantastic (and unfortunately fake) posters that simply ooze with awesome 80's cheesiness. The latest object of his desire is an obscure 80's slasher-opus titled The Hills Run Red, a film that was only screened once and immediately banned, mainly due to the film's alleged instances of extreme violence and sadism. Adding to the mystery, the stars were never found, and the director apparently went into a self-imposed exile, and has not been heard from since. Now, if you've seen at least one horror movie, alarm bells should be ringing. Resigned with the knowledge that he will likely never see Hills, he attempts to satisfy himself by watching the film's crudely made trailer over, and over, and over again.

Fortunately, hope comes in the form of scantily clad women when Tyler tracks down the director's daughter, Alexa (Sophie Monk) to a strip club. Y'see, Alexa was a star in Hills, and Tyler hopes to gain some juicy behind-the-scenes info from her. What he finds, however, is a scarred young woman who likes playing with an ornate dagger AND injecting herself with heroin. Clearly, this is someone who has done well for themselves after show business. But Tyler ain't gonna have any of this, dag nubbit. He's a FAN. Acting as all dedicated fans would, he forces her to detox (a nicely edited sequence), and with her, Serina and Lalo in tow, sets out to make his own documentary on the lost slasher flick. This means going to the shooting locations. In the woods. I'll repeat it: deep in the woods. For someone as deeply in love with the genre as Tyler, one would think he would have at least some worries about going into a green No-Man's Land, but hey, he is a character in a slasher movie. Little do they know, the object of their desire never stopped shooting, and the hulking, masked killer known as "Babyface" is stalking them" and he"s all too eager to meet his new "cast members".

As you've likely gathered from the plot synopsis, this ain't out to break any new ground. And that's just it: it ain't trying to be "THE NEXT BIG THING IN HORROR". Instead, it acts as a sort of love letter to the horror genre in general. The film's humor doesn't quite reach the same level of self-reference as Scream, but there are still many winks and nudges; be it Lalo's theory on civilization and "ass-loving rednecks", to his decision to bring a handgun along, cause you just know they'll be needing one. The knowing in-jokes could very easily have become over-bearing, and truth be told, when a villain near the end talks about screen transitions, it does become a little hard not to slap your forehead and groan. Luckily, for the most part, it works well, because after all, the movie is actually about trying to find another movie, and we have a hero who is a self-professed film buff.

So many times in a slasher film, you couldn't give a rats ass about the main characters AKA meat sacks. You don't care about them as human beings, you just look at your watch, counting down towards the moment when the killer jumps out and wipes them off the face of the Earth. If these self-centered, obnoxious asses don't die, you WILL feel cheated. Its a fact. Which is all the more refreshing that we don't exactly want these people to die. Not that they're particularly deep characters, with Alexa as the tortured director's daughter by far coming off as the most interesting; but they're still likable enough that you secretly hope that they make it out alive. But then that would mean being robbed of a good kill, and that would get you antsy, you contradictory so-and-so's.

Traditionally, a slasher film lives and dies based on the strength of its kills and antagonist. So how do they rank up? The bloodshed seems surprisingly restrained, given the film's core concept. That being said, there is an intensely gory and disturbing pre-credits sequence detailing the back story of Babyface, and many of the film-within-a-film kills, though brief, will easily satisfy one's bloodlust, as well as a variety of stabbings, bludgeonings, mutilation, and an impaling. Don't worry folks; things do get wet. It would have been preferable if the murders were done with more old-school techniques, as there is some iffy CGI for at least one of the deaths, but the work is solid overall. And of the film's killer? Simply put, Babyface is easily one of the most genuinely horrifying and imposing screen presences ever to have come to the genre. Everything, from the shattered doll mask, to the baby rattle (yes, you read that correctly) make him one of the most iconic killers I've ever seen. Besides, when was the last time you were actually scared by a slasher? Surprisingly, one of his greatest moments isn't even centered around a kill, but is handled so well that it will easily send a chill down your spine.

Arguably the film's biggest weakness is the introduction of the third act twist. Even though it takes the film into much darker and warped territory, as well as offering genuinely amusing commentary on the current "torture porn" sub-genre, those who expected straight-up slasher fare will likely be disappointed. It is also here that the more painful instances of the self-referential dialogue show up. However, unlike many slasher films that feature the Final Girl and a triumphant ending, Hills slides fully into doom and despair in the final act, and ends on a genuinely unsettling coda.

This isn't a film that is going to convert newcomers into the horror genre. Rather, it is made strictly for people who have a genuine passion for such films, and also serves to remind that the genre, despite the jaw-dropping amount of crappy remakes and crappier original films, is still alive and kicking.

Eden Log

It is a general rule of thumb that waking up in a cave sets a pretty negative tone for the rest of your day. Ever had one of those days where you wake up, and immediately come down with a case of Oh-God-I-really-really-don't-want-to-get-up-and-face-the-day-itis? Research has shown that nearly everyone experiences this ailment at least once every month. Two commonly recognized cures are either hitting the snooze button and sleeping another 10 minutes, or give your employer a SOB story about how your visiting cousin from Ecuador managed to give you an extremely rare disease. But, when you wake up in a cave, one generally doesn't go back to sleep for another few minutes. Generally, because they're in a CAVE. One would think that such a start is pretty hard to beat in terms of overall awfulness. Think again. Now imagine you're waking up in a cave, with no idea as to who you are. You're alone, afraid, no clue as to who you are, and you're being hunted by...something.

This is the situation facing our poor, unnamed hero (Clovis Cornillac). Not only does he find himself in a cave, but his only companion is a corpse (Note: corpses keep extremely poor company). This is a predicament commonly experienced by those in dire straights, or just someone waking up to face the most horrible hangover imaginable. Now, I'm going to say it right here: it is extremely possible that this opening sequence will lose half of Log's potential audience, as our Lone Wanderer (sorry Bethesda, couldn't resist) makes his way out of the cave in a sequence that is minutes of pitch black being illuminated by a strobe light (does ANYONE like strobe lights?), to reveal a shadowy figure grunting and stumbling around. Then darkness. Then a strobe. More grunting. And on...and on...and on... Mercifully, he manages to escape the cave and its strobe light, which is easily the most evil lighting effect known to man. Escaping the cave hardly means his troubles are over, as the distant shrieks of something most definitely not human kindly remind him, and he soon finds himself in a portion of a subterranean society called Eden Log. Y'see, Eden Log, as the propaganda-spewing holograms tell us, is supposed to be a utopia, a final resting place. But as is always the case, something has gone wrong in paradise, as now our wanderer must contend with a vicious group of soldiers; monsters that, from the looks of them, should be at a family reunion with the humanoids from The Descent; and an enormous, carnivorous plant root; as well as trying to piece together his past as well as just what happened in Eden Log.

To start, this is a tricky film to categorize, as it straddles the lines of several genres, yet never finds one to snuggle in. The film has been as marketed as sci-fi/horror, but with the exceptions of some nifty landscapes and the aforementioned holograms, there's not much in it that could allow one to easily declare it a science-fiction film. Also, though the mutants are appropriately grotesque and menacing, they never come off as that much of a threat, with their few meetings with the hero consist mainly of them roaring and smacking the poor guy around. So...what is it? If anything, the film is more a moody, downbeat look at just how far humanity will go to create a personal Eden, even if it means their complete loss of innocence through deception and unimaginable cruelty. Trying to remain vague here, as though the film moves at quite a slow pace, the eventual solution to the mystery surrounding Eden Log and its violent demise is very satisfying, and the admittedly confusing, allegory-drenched climax is, if nothing else, visually brilliant.

The film's pace is sure to throw many off, as much of the film's running time is Cornillac making his way through the ruins of this underground world, where more questions are raised then answered. The film is extremely light on dialogue, with only a couple scenes where our hero actually interacts with another survivor. One is filled with somewhat stilted dialogue, and the other exists to set up our hero as one of the staples of science fiction: the mysterious man with an unexplained power that enables him to deal with whatever obstacle lies in his way. The film is much more a mood piece, and most of the delight one gains from the film is drinking in its world in all its terrible beauty. To this extent, the film is often stunning to watch, creating a marvelously designed landscape where all color seems to have died off with everyone else, leaving only black and chrome. With the metallic structures brilliantly contrasting with the darkness, as well as the seeming fusion of the flesh-eating root with its man-made surroundings, one expects that somewhere H.R. Giger is thoughtfully nodding his head. In fact, despite a solid performance from Cornillac (for once, a character whose only emotions seem to be perplexed and pissed off actually work for the movie), he is given little character development other than he has a mysterious ability to Hulk-out and combat the mutants and soldiers with ease, the actual world and all its nuances comes off as the more interesting character.

Eden Log is most definitely not a film for everyone. Myself, I'm still not sure how I feel about the movie, even though my final thoughts were mostly positive. When the film works, it works, and the end revelations shine with true brilliance. Its all the more frustrating then that the film is often uneven, with many segments that drag on far longer than they should, *looks at beginning strobe light scene*, and the reveal of the hero's identity is rather trite and underwhelming. Finally, even though I'm all for ambiguity, I wish that the hero's power was explained in greater detail, and exactly what the blazes happens in the end. That being said, I'm unable to stop thinking about it, and this definitely is a film that should be experienced, if you happen to be craving something that takes a little from Column A, and a little from Column B, and manages to create something pleasingly different. If the film had a bit more of a budget to illustrate the world it creates, and a bit more time to fully flesh out the ideas it puts forth, we very well could have been given a near classic.

Splinter

As anyone knows me will attest, I LOVE monster movies. From rampaging behemoths such as Godzilla to the sublimely twisted fusion of flesh and metal that is Alien, creature featutures have been able to effortlessly capture my imagination since the tender age of 5, when I was given my first dose of Godzilla. Besides, time for you to face some facts about yourself. What would rather you see: someone struggling to find their way in life, wading through a sea of catty social encounters, AND dealing with some traumatic event from their past that rears its head at inoppurtune moments; OR a seriously badass monster inflicting all manner of extreme mayhem on poor, helpless peeps as they scramble to stay alive AND avoid tripping on their rapidly unspooling intestines? If you prefer the former, I advise you stop reading right now, and go enjoy your copy of Closer. Unfortunately, my quest to find a good monster romp has led me to be burned a good number of times; often by the lurid and colorful cover art of the B-movies populating the video store near my house at the time. Being young and impressionable, it was hard not being seduced by thr cover art, which if nothing else, promised a fun time. Sigh... what I would get instead would be complete shoozefests that consisted of people wandering through poorly lit environments, with bland young people trundling long waxing poetic about...sex and drugs, of all things. And when the monster(s) would finally show up, it would either be a CGI fabrication of equal, or less, quality then Playstation 1 cinematics, or a suit of such low quality that somewhere, somehow, 1960's era Daiei Studios was shaking their heads in pity (created Gamera in the 60's in order to compete with Godzilla. Long story short...it didn't work, until the 90's revival. Look them up to get the full meaning of the joke.)

Outside of these digital pieces of excrement, there was no real way to satisfy my monster fix, what with any critter centered flick, let alone a good one, being released sporadically. Oh, to live in the golden era of the B-movie, where you could hardly walk down the street without confronting some new nightmarish beast (usually created by mishandled science, and then solved by the most rugged scientists you'd ever lay eyes on. Ironic...). Then, along came the little film that could, Splinter. A film that offers up a simple, people-putting-aside-their-differences-to-fight-a-common-enemy siege story, it accomplishes exactly what it sets out do to; entertain you. It disregards any opportunity to throw any postmodern winks at the audience and instead acts as a sort of love letter to past B-monster movies; indeed, it snuggles most comfortably with John Carpenter's The Thing, especially regarding the nature of its beast. And friends, what a beast it is.

I am of the belief that anyone wearing a hat proclaiming "I Heart Bikinis" is someone who deserves to be immediately removed from the gene pool. Luckily, the black spined...thing lurking in the woods happens to agree, and promptly kills the lone gas station attendant in possession of said hat. We are then introduced to young couple Seth and Polly during their anniversary. He's the bookish, shy type, with a Ph.d in Biology (he's NOT a doctor, y'know), and she's the vibrant, outdoorsy type. One look at them easily brings to mind questions along the lines of "how'd he get a looker like her...?"; luckily, the actors share such a natural chemistry that any disbelieving is quickly thrown to the wind. Hoping to spend their anniversary under the stars, their plans are mucked up by Seth in the most spectacularly inept way. Their plans for a secondary retreat at a motel are foiled when escaped convict Dennis and his detoxing (and completely loopy) girlfriend take them as hostages (seeing as he has an entire state of pissed off police officers bearing down on him). After some verbal abusing of Seth (he can't even drive a stick-shift), the group's car breaks down after running over the creature that killed the gas station attendant. Luckily, they're able to get to a nearby gas station. The same one from the opening credits. With no means of communication. With a hideous, parasitical monster wanting very badly to get in. People, place your bets.

This is a film that, as the plot synopsis would indicate, is hardly original. And as is the case with many lower-budget films, the problems are slightly more obvious than higher budget, mainstream fare. That being said, while hardly perfect, Splinter is easily one of the more entertaining films I've sat down for the last little while. Hearkening back to the creature-feature flicks of the 80's, the newbie director takes a simple premise and delivers a lean (barely clocking over 80 minutes) and mean debut feature. However, as with previous films I've talked about, being unoriginal doesn't mean something should instantly dismissed. It only takes a director's enthusiasm and commitment to tired material to make it interesting. Toby Wilkins delivers this in spades.

One of the more refreshing aspects of the film are the way the characters are handled. They aren't treated as disposable monster fodder, and even though they are to a degree recognizable archetypes, there are actual personalities built around them, and as a result we actually begin to care about these people. There are no groan-worthy moves carried out by our protagonists, and surprisingly, their plans to escape and fight back actually involve forsight and planning. Wow, someone call Guiness. Dennis is one of the more interesting characters, and despite engaging in the 'hardened badass' cliches, he morphs from a completely unlikeable, despicable human being into a surprisingly layered, sympathetic character. Polly is extremely fun to watch as well, and given her kick-ass attitude constant standing up to Dennis in the initial early moments, one gets the impression that she could very easily have become a Ripley for the new millennium. Almost a shame then that she didn't have as much to do when things got truly hairy. Seth is the weakest character, for several reasons. For one, one gets the distinct impression that he could be due for a new backbone transplant. I don't know about you, but if someone smashed my girlfriend on the back of her head and called her a "fucking idiot", I wouldn't just take that standing and do absolutely nothing. Also, his knowledge of all things biological comes off as a bit too convenient when it comes down to understanding the nature of the creature; the snap deductions he makes regarding its physical makeup come off as a bit contrived. Finally, there's a reaction from him that came damn near to taking me entirely out of the movie. Upon his first direct with the concert, he speaks so matter-of-factly it comes to the point of him sounding more bored than anything else, while a more appropriate reaction would be along the lines of "JESUSFUCKINGCHRISTFUCKINGMONSTERAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

Now, regarding the monster, if one imagined the lovechild of the title creature from The Thing and the sentient vine from The Ruins, you might get an idea as to what exactly this thing is. I'm not going to go into much specifics, as I think the monster is one of the coolest to come down the pike for the last couple of years, but here goes. Essentially, its a needle organism that burrows into the flesh of its host, and proceeds to take it over. Then things get nasty. It doesn't need the whole body to function, just parts of it. Also, its a creature obviously unfamiliar with the workings of the human body, and contorts the bodies of its host in absolutely hideous ways in order move around. Seeing this thing in motion...there's really no adequate way to do it justice. Needless to say, you won't be able to look away. Unfortunately, likely for budgetary reasons, Wilkins employs shaky-cam for most of the creature attacks. While not really as irritating as most have made it out to be, it still renders the creature slightly hard to make out, and is still frustrating. Despite this, the final form of the monster is a masterwork of twisted flesh that would be proud to call Silent Hill its home. Besides, its done with old school, prosthetic effects. What more incentive do you need?

Given the brevity of the film, there is no obvious explanation for the creature. There are several throw away clues that may or may not have to do with anything, but aside from those, nothing else is given. It is simply introduced, the rules laid out, and the blood spilled. Simple, and to the point.

I'll admit, for the first 15 minutes or so, I wasn't entirely won over. The crime-thriller aspect felt weak, and the language almost felt like a Tarantino impersonator. But when the beastie came out to play, and the siege fully kicked in, along with some absolutely hideous acts of violence doled out by the creature, I was absolutely hooked. My advice? Kick off your shoes, get some friends over, and go on a trip down Memory Lane. You won't be disappointed.

King of the Hill

King of the Hill continues to prove that the Spanish, the rest of Europe. Asia, and even Canada are able to produce better crafted horror cinema than the United States. While King may not be horror per say (if anything, it belongs more firmly in the thriller/suspense genre), it still provides an effective look at an ordinary man as his safe, secure world comes crashing down in the face of human cruelty in its purest form.

Quim is having a rough day. First, he's unable to get in touch with his ex-girlfriend, in the vain hopes of reconciling (and possibly some no-strings-attached lovin'). Then, he spies a young woman shoplifting in the gas station, and, in exchange for not turning her in, she offers him some "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" in the form of a bathroom quickie. While that may not necessarily sound like a bad thing, it quickly becomes worse with the discovery she's robbed him, though inexplicably paid for his gas. Our understandably pissed hero follows her van through a vast mountainous range; where then a slightly less-than-average day descends completely into hell with a flash of light atop a mountain, the crack of a rifle, and a bullet in his car battery and his leg. Soon, he and the aforementioned thief, Bea, find themselves stalked by the most dangerous of killers; one able to target them effortlessly via a high-powered rifle. Shoot. Kill. Game Over.

The idea of comfortably soft, well-off city slickers being lost in an unfamiliar, hostile environment while being stalked and tormented by an adversary with an intimate knowledge of their surroundings dates as far back as outings such as Deliverance and Southern Comfort, both very strong genre outings. But whereas those films had their actual location (forest and swamp, respectively) play as much, if not more of a threat than the physical, identifiable enemy, King has its woods and mountainous ranges play an almost passive part (though there a few wince inducing injuries dealt out by Mother Nature), and the main threat is the sniper, who for his prowess in navigating the land as far as his far reaching view, may as well be God. King of the Hill, indeed. As such, the director is able to generate some genuinely suspenseful set-pieces; the frequent moments of silence, and dare I say it, relative tranquility, are violently punctuated by the retorts of his rifle, and as a result the viewer is left in an agonizing state of suspense, dreading the next shot to land right between the shoulder blades of our protagonists. The inability to know where or when the next attack will occur proves infinitely more frightening than a masked troglodyte you can see coming a mile away.

In true horror fashion, there is an intervention by the cops, and as most anyone with a brain can foresee, the boys in blue will offer no salvation; instead, they'll be disbelieving assholes who meet their end at the hands of the foe they thought was a practical joke coined by those damn kids and their decadent lifestyle. "I told you so" has never been so true. And for better or worse, the cops in Hill are no exception. Unfortunately, this is also one of the film's larger stumbling blocks. I mean, there's disbelieving, which is sometimes excusable, and then there's disbelieving. As Jane Austen would likely note, these cops are of "ill-breeding", as not only do they appear oblivious to the wound in his leg, deaf to his repeated claims that some asshole is trying to kill him, they believe him guilty of a murder (quite early on, Quim killed an accomplice of the sniper), and then arrest him and Bea and drive them to the scene of the crime. Un-frigging-believable. Once, just once, I would love to see a cop actually believing the story of an obviously panicked individual, instead of giving them the old "the hell you say" and contuing to be a fool right to their violent end. Luckily, the sniper does the world a service and preforms a little high calibre brain surgery, among other things, upon the "defenders of the people".

The most interesting element of the film comes near the hour mark, when the film makes a sudden shift to the perspective of the killer. What was a taught, near breathless extended stalk sequence suddenly morphs into a satire, and a extremely effective one at that. Going further down this road of discussion is impossible without divulging massive spoilers, but I'll just say this: the title brings on a whole new meaning with the revelation. The villain, while rendered slightly less frightening when seen as a human being, instead of a near god-like figure, is still brought vividly to life by the actor portraying him, and ultimately he stands out as one of the more savage and interesting antaganists I've seen of late.

The film is shot on video and captures the landscape beautifully, making the vast wilderness a force to be equally admired and reckoned with; the standout being the climax set in an abandoned, decaying village, which takes on a most terrible beauty. It is an extremely tightly shot film, with the actors being framed often in close up, forcing the viewer into a more intimate standpoint. The score works well, with the music ranging from melancholy guitar riffs to a thundering percussion for several of the attacks. Good stuff. The acting is solid across the board, with Quim being enough of an everyman to gain our sympathy, despite his sometimes morally dubious decisions. Valverde brings an intriguing sense of mystery to her character; nothing is ever really revealed of her, and throughout the film, it is alluded that she may be in league with the killer. Of course, I'll neither prove or disprove this.

Word is the Weinsteins are planning on seizing this for a remake, so be sure to get to the goods before this can happen. Really, it all comes down to choosing between a steak and microwavable roast beef. Really, not that hard a decision.

Cold Prey

At face value, there's really nothing all that original about the Norweigan Cold Prey: it is essentially the story of a group of friends who are stalked by a hulking, masked psychopath. All the genre cliches are firmly in place: from the isolated setting, to the spunky Final Girl facing off against the killer in a climatic death match. Luckily, what makes this film ultimately so enjoyable is that the director is able to take often used genre tropes and approach them in a far from workman-like manner, creating something that readily embraces the slasher sub-genre and differs enough to make it ultimately worthwhile.

As the flashy, and admittedly cool Seven inspired opening credits montage tells us, something bad lives in the mountains of Norway. Something that has racked up a body count of over 100 people over the past couple decades; something that leaves no trace of its victims, leaving befuddled search-and-rescue teams to assume the missing were hit by avalanches, or other mountain associated hazards. Finally, it has ties to a young boy being chased, and killed in the snow, though the exact connection is unanswered until the very end of the film.

Enter 5 young friends seeking skiing-and-snowboard-related merriment: couples Jannicke and Eirik, Ingunn and Mikal, and fifth-wheel Morten Tobias, a.k.a, "The Funny Guy". Any fan worth his salt will easily be able to see the large "INSERT AXE OR OTHER SHARP/BLUNT OBJECT HERE" floating over his head. The fun ceases, (or increases, depending on your moral stand point), when Morten breaks his leg in a snowboarding accident. Too far from their car, or any other signs of civilization, the group seeks refuge inside an abandoned ski-lodge, that, judging by appearances, is likely related to the Overlook. After using super-glueing Morten's wound closed, with an appropiatly horrified reaction from the 'patient', the remaining 4 explore the lodge, unaware that the aforementioned force from the opening credits calls the hotel 'home', and he does not take kindly to strangers...

Surprisingly, the film does not take its main strength from its kills; in fact, the kills, though they definitely pack an 'oomph', they are relatively bloodless. The movie's power source is in fact the writing of its protagonists. Inside of being mere cardboard cutouts, manufactured by the fine folks at "Slasher Central Casting", that exist merely to be killed in the most horrific ways possible, these are, *GASP*, actual people. Actual, surprisingly lifelike characters with believable worries and fears, which makes the audience connection that much stronger then most slasher fare. An example: the character who is all over her new boyfriend whenever someone isn't looking (i.e. blinking), in this case, Ingunn, would be branded by any other film as The Slut. And, as the 'rules' decree, she would be killed either in the process of sex, or immediately after sex. However, not only is she a VIRGIN, she's actually hesitant over actually having sex, whereas her boyfriend, Mikal, is the one pushing for them to 'take their relationship to the next level', and reacts in a surprisingly callous way when she suggests they wait. Also, the Final Girl, Jannicke, is not the virginal heroine most have come to expect. She fears moving in with Eirik, his own suggestion, will in some way erode the magic of their relationship, and that they will likely find themselves falling out of love soon enough. Naturally, there is a slight, unspoken tension between the two because of this, but luckily not nearly to the point where the romantic melodrama becomes its own, unnecessary subplot. Here's looking at you, Spider-Man 3. Finally, the comic-relief has been in love with Jannicke for years, a love that he knows will never come to fruition, making him all the more vulnerable, and surprisingly, non-annoying for it. Granted, these aren't hugely deep or insightful character trait, but they don't have to be; they're just realistic and sympathetic enough to make the audience actually care what happens to them, making the lead up to the kills all the more suspenseful.

Those going in expecting a MBV3D-style gore fest will likely come out disappointed. Instead of relying on flying viscera to amuse the audience, the film instead is a slow burning exercise in suspense. The tension is gained from the characters exploring the various hotel rooms, some of which bear the marks of past actions of violence. From a room ravaged by flame, walls spattered with may be blood, a broken window with hair and blood on the edges, to a missing axe, it is apparent that not all is well in this lodge. Or maybe, as Mikal glibly remarks, "Someone just wanted an axe". Following the murder of one of the characters, a short, brutally effective stalk set piece, the realization that something is very wrong climaxes when Jannicke and Mikal discover the killer's trophy room (a chilling scene marred only by Jannicke and Mikal responing by nervously laughing and thinking nothing of it until later). That being said, what the kills lack in splashy-flashiness, they make up for by retaining an undeiniably brutal feeling to them. Especially the first kill. Yikes.

The film is shot beautifully, with the sweeping camera and many aerial shots capturing the full splendor of the mountain side; at first evoking a sense of beauty, only to later evoke a sense of dread and isolation. Like the original My Bloody Valentine the setting plays a key role in determining the look of the killer. Whereas that film had a miner, the boogeyman here is a man covered with appropiate gear for outdoor weather, a relatively simple look that manages to be extremely intimidating. There isn't quite enough time spent with him to establish much in the way of personality, but through sheer size, and animalistic grunts, and overall appearance, he's definitely able to hold his own with other slasher greats.

So, again, definitely not going to change the world, or usher in a whole new wave of cinema as we know it. But, there's nothing wrong with a film taking tired cliches and reviving them in a fresh, invigorating way. Besides, I'm just amazed by the fact that we have a successful foreign horror film that DOESN'T have an American remake in the works. Hope I didn't jinx it...

Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris

A guardian who has seemingly severed all ties to a race he once protected. The global reappearance of a winged predator thought extinct. A young girl with a deep-rooted hatred of the beloved flying turtle. A creature that understands her pain, and promises her revenge. An unholy communion that can spell doom for all of humanity. Truly dark days indeed...

Here's a little back story for the uninitiated: Thousands of years ago, the lost continent of Mu engineered Gamera in order to extinguish a species known as Gyaos, creatures with a savagery matched only by their appetite. In 1995, Gamera was found cased inside rock, along with a comet shaped jewel capable of forging a psychic link between Gamera and the owner of the jewel, who in this case, a teenage girl named Asagi. Years later, when Earth was buckling under the might of an extraterrestial intelligence known as Legion, Gamera was able to summon the Earth's spiritual energy (more on this later) in order to vanquish the threat. Unfortunately, the strain produced by such a summoning shattered Asagi's jewel. As well, as we would learn later, no good deed goes unpunished...

What is Gamera, you ask? Well...er...he's a giant turtle that has rocket jets in his legs and arms, withdraw all his limbs in order to fly like a UFO (how he manages to navigate is beyond me), and can expel molten fire. Worry not, gentle reader, you have not happened to lose your mind, and no one in the vicinity is on too many drugs. Or not enough, depending on how you look at it.

The year is 1999, and as previously stated, things aren't looking too good for humanity. For reasons unknown, the winged Gyaos have begun to appear all around the world, striking with a savagery and speed that leaves the respective militaries unable to co-ordinate a counter-attack. Even worse, worries Dr. Mayumi Nagamine (Shinobu Nakayama, repsrising her role from the first film), the creatures may be evolving. Meanwhile, the Big Green Guy's public relations with the people of Japan is seriously damaged when a seemingly insane Gamera engages in an aerial dogfight with two Gyaos. Doesn't sound too bad, until one takes into account the fact half the city was destroyed, and Grama wracks up a death toll of between 15,000 and 20,000. Despite having their asses saved by the turtle not once, but TWICE, the ungrateful bastards elect him to Enemy Number 1 in the course of a day. Bad news for all the vendors making a living selling the "I Heart Gamera!!!" t-shirts...

Elsewhere, there is Ayana. Years ago, she witnessed her parents crushed to death by Gamera, although the exact circumstance of their death is withheld until the end of the film. Sent with her little brother to live with family friends in a mountain side village, she has, needless to say, unresolved issues. Wrapped up in her hate, she's oblivious to the painful advances of Moribe, who's been pining for her for as long as he's known her. As it goes for all troubled teens, her angst is thrown to the breeze when she discovers a creature living in a cave near their house. Despite Moribe's warnings that the beast is dangerous, as it is possibly a mythical entity known as the Ryuseicho that could bring about the end of the world, she instantly likes the little guy, just because its SOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!. She christens it Iris, after her cat who was also killed by Gamera (man, the more I hear about him, the more I start to hate). The two form a bond, with Ayana believing both of them have suffered at the hands of Gamera. Iris then attempts to merge with her following an uncomfortable encounter in the woods (Legend of the Overfiend, anyone?), only to be saved by Moribe. Now in a near catatonic state, she's taken to Kyoto. Unfortunately, a now mature Iris is on the warpath, and is determined to have her. At any cost. With the Gyaos attacks on the rise, and two super-powered monsters determined to rend the other limb-from-limb, and Godzilla refusing to return the desperate nation's calls, things look hopelessly bleak. The end of the world is near, and nobody's feeling fine.

First off, I just want to give props to director Shusuke Kaneko for taking a concept as completely insane as a rocket-propelled turtle and spinning it into a trilogy as wonderful as any other 'mainstream' series. And with this final installment, Kaneko weaves a dark fantasy, kaiju opus that comes as close to being perfect as such a movie could ever hope to be. From the quality of the monsters, the effects, and (GASP!) the human element, Revenge of Iris is one of the greatest kaiju films ever made, and achieves a level of quality that hasn't been matched since.

As any fan will happily confirm, the human storyline is often the weakest element in any giant monster movie. The characters are often as shallow as one can get, and the experience can easily be likened to watching grass grow, or paint drying, or any other analogy you can think of. Surprisingly, the story here doesn't have one screaming at the heavens to make it end, or offering blood sacrifices. The basic plot draws upon the concept of Mana, a spititual force residing in all living things. In order to defeat the Legion, Gamera was reforced to draw upon vast reserves of Mana, and the resulting unbalance was what allowed the Gyaos to return to life. The script is surprisingly dense, chock to the brim with musings on memory, the need for personal satisfaction, no matter what the cost, and a surprising sexual element. The film is bleak from beginning to finish,, and there's a pervading sense that the world we know is coming to an end, and despite our best efforts, nothing can be done to prevent it. There is also an uncomfortable sexuality throughout the film, and to make it more uncomfortable, its between Ayana and Iris. The encounter in the woods is the most provacative, with the creature nuzzling her breasts, leading to Ayana uttering "Iris...I'm so hot". Yikes. And tentacle porn pushes further into our beloved genre.

The acting is top-notch throughout, with Ayana shining very brightly. She effortlessly switches between compassion and a rage that is somewhat frightening to behold, as well as displaying affection to what is essentially a prop throughout much of the film. Naomi Watts, eat your heart out. Recuring character Osako, or as I refer to him, that guy who screams at everything, returns and luckily, he does indeed scream several times.

But of course, you're wondering how the monsters fare. Fear not, as they are absolutely fantastic. Gyaos remains largely the same, essentially a pteranadon-like creature, and is brought off extremely well with convingcing CGI and prop effects. In fact, I'd go as far to say the CGI rivals many Hollywood productions. Gamera has, in keeping with his new distance from humanity, has takes on a much leaner, more feral look. As far as Iris goes...wow. The design is something I won't go into great detail over, as it is definitely best seeing with little prior knowledge. The baby form is efficiently cute, without going into the land of the grotesque *stares at Little Godzilla*. The adult is as Lovecraftian as anything I've ever seen, and easily makes for one of the most fearsome, and original kaiju ever concieved.

Surprisingly, the film is light on battles, but when they come, they pack a real punch. The Gyaos battle in Shibuya finally answers the question: What would it be like to firsthand witness a monster battle? Turns out it sucks. Not since Gojira has the toll of monster activity been so explicitlyrendered, as bodies are casually socrched and stomped. The dogfight with Gamera and Iris is a masterpiece of kaiju ballet; utilising near flawless CGI, it envokes a terrible beauty rarely seen in film. The final battle in Kyoto is again realistic in its depiction of two enormous beings going head-to-head, with the combat being extremely brutal and animalistic.

The film is not perfect, with some of the storylines being too muddled for their own good (government secretary and videogame cultists WTF?!), and some of the effects, such as a fully grown Iris striding the hillside looking too obviously like a composite shot, and the ending has definitely turned some people off; but the whole here far outweighs the sum of its parts.

It still won't probably convinve the naysayers, who still snicker at the sometimes primitive effects, laugh at the 'toy' buildings, but for those who like their kaiju action with a hearty helping of brains on the side, you'd be hard pressed to do better

Them

It is no surprise that the horror genre has been in a rut lately. Beginning with the 2oo4 release of Saw, followed shortly by Hostel, both of which have had their fair share of sequels and imitators, a disturbing trend was born. The general public seemed to start believing that extreme, flesh-ripping, bone-crushing violence was a appropriate substitution for a little thing called 'suspense', a film trait that sadly, has been all but forgotten in 95% of mainstream horror. A note to all aspiring filmmakers: slinging blood and guts at the screen while a screaming woman looks down at her gaping chest cavity, that isn't fresh. Or scary. Also, using grainy film stock and rapid fire, Michael Bay editing for someone eating a sandwich, does not constitute style. *Stares long and hard at Platinum Dunes*

To summarize myself, the horror genre seems to be in a collapsing in on itself, and as long as those of us to truly love the genre are constantly force-fed generic torture-porn, insipid remakes, or are forced to hear one more time that a film is being shot with sand in the lens to "capture the grittiness of 70's movies" *stares longer and harder at Platinum Dunes*, well, lets just say the future ain't looking too bright.

Thank God for the French. Yes, I am of sound body and mind, and I do realize the implications of what I just said. I'll say it again: Thank God for the French. After investing hundreds of hours in grimy dungeons or being the witness to death-traps that probably cost the same amount of money to make as America is in debt, *glares at Saw*, it is truly refreshing to see a movie that realizes that it doesn't need to, in the words of Scream's killer, "see what your insides look like" to be truly terrifying and memorable. The breath of fresh air I speak of is Them, a francophone that knows full well how to make the audience a sweating, heaving mess, without spilling a drop of blood. Okay, maybe a drop of blood...

The film wastes no time in letting the viewer know that something deadly prowls the Romanian forest at night. A mother and daughter, clearly at each other's throats, are forced to pull over after narrowly hitting, something, in the middle of the road. The mother is whisked away, and her daughter is violently strangled inside of the car. All to the tunes of helpful *call waiting music* when she tries to contact emergency services. The focus then switches to Clementine (Olivia Bonamy), a young school teacher trying, with little avail, to ram French through the skulls of rambunctious Romanian youngsters. As all teachers are bound to be, she is looking forward to a weekend off with her struggling writer boyfriend, Lucas (Michael Cohen). Naturally, the site where the mother and daughter were killed seems to be only a few miles away from the house they have. All. In. The. Middle. Of. Nowhere. A brief sideline about the house: upon seeing it, the natural reaction would be to wonder why this house isn't perched on top a cliff and constantly enshrouded in fog. After the required frolicking, darkness falls. After a series of incidents, that involve garbled phone calls, and their car being stolen, their sanctuary is breached when six hooded figures break into their house, clearly with ill-intentions. Clementine and Lucas quickly find themselves in a struggle with an enemy whose motives are as mysterious as their identity.

Clocking in at just over an hour, Them leaves little room for introspective character development. Virtually all we know about Lucas and Clementine is that they are respectively, an aspiring writer and a school teacher, and very much in love. That being said, the actors share a remarkable chemistry, and their light-hearted jabs coupled with their more intimate moments make them one of the most naturalistic couples I've ever seen. The flip side of the brevity statement is that the film takes little time establishing the situation, and once the siege begins, the film maintains an almost unbearable tension. The film has as its core a universal fear: just what would happen if someone broke into your house when you were at your most vulnerable. Once the horror kicks in, the house begins to become a character onto itself: with its rooms shrouded in plastic, cavernous attic, and seemingly never ending flights of stairs, the house seamlessly transforms into a landscape that is both clouded in dread and alien. This being said, the cinematography is handled well, with almost everything either being drenched in shadow or objects casting sharp, huge shadows onto the surrounding walls. The transformation is evident of just how well the film is able to take the every-day and transform it into something hostile and unknowable.

The sound works extremely well also; since the film's modus operandi is mainly suggesting what hides in the dark rather than give the viewer an eyeful, thus diminishing its effect *stares at Boogeyman*, effective sound design is essential. Given the context of the film, sounds as innocuous as taps turning on and off, footsteps going up and down the stairs take on a new sense of immediate danger. The soundtrack is minimalist but works well; mostly alternating between heavy base and a series of halting, heavily industrialized sounds; with the latter sound effect working extremely well with what I will only call "the eyehole scene". Of it, I will say no more. The remaining audio effects are more identifiable as straight horror, with the invaders letting loose a series of unsettling, animalistic howls and grunts; as well as making a clicking that sounds similar to the insects from Mimic.

The prevalent mystery is what exactly 'Them' are. With only fleeting glimpses, suggesting something human sized covered in a hood, they are able to become simultaneously something almost recognizable and completely unknowable. There is however a small visual clue that is suggestive of what they are, but I won't mention that here; I have renounced my spoiler giving ways.

However, as is inevitable, the film is not perfect. Once the action moves outside of the house and into the forest, the claustrophobic feel is lost, and though the last act is plenty intense in of itself, it fails to recapture the sheer intensity found in the previous act. The film has what can be best described in a double-sided sword when it comes to the ultimate unveiling of 'Them'; when a movie spends so much time focusing on a menace that is as mysterious as it is dangerous, expectations are bound to be raised pretty high. As other movies in the past, the revelation is rarely up to the viewer's expectations, and the same definitely applies here. Upon the first viewing, when all was said and done, I was left feeling more than a little hollow. However, seeing the film a second time, knowing full well what was trying to kill the happy couple made the experience all the more harrowing. As it is in real life, there are no easy answers given for why Clementine and Lucas are being put through Hell, and by the time the sombre conclusion rolls around, it is evident that the film is all the more effective without having a neat and tidy little explanation.

For those of you are tired of seeing movies where someone is dismembered and beaten to death with their own limbs by a cackling surgeon/ice cream man/real estate agent/cults, etc...and want to remember what it is like to be truly scared, you owe it to yourself to check this out. Torture Porn is dead! Long live torture porn!