The Hills Run Red

Slasher films are a dime-a-dozen. They really are. In the end, most of them can be summed up in just a few words: "scary guy in mask chases hot girl in *insert location here*." This is a sub-genre that is not appreciated for aspects such as acting, screenwriting, directing, etc... We come to these films for a few things: beautiful people, (often without a thought in their pretty little heads), said beautiful people being slashed, bludgeoned, burned, completely destroyed, and a cool killer. As entertaining as this formula can be *please refer to the Friday the 13th series*, there is no doubt that these films are getting stale.

Now, a little while back, I reviewed Cold Prey, a terrific little film that sought to place character development and genuine suspense over flashy, gorelicious kills. And whaddya know, it worked. New life was injected into a genre long thought stuck in the mud. Which now brings us to The Hills Run Red.

Tyler (Tad Hilgenbrinck) loves horror movies. Really, REALLY loves horror movies. He'll pass up a night of lovin' with his girlfriend Serina (Janet Montgomery) to pursue genre-related activities. He irritates his friend Lalo (Alex Wyndham) with his love of the genre. Even his room is plastered with many fantastic (and unfortunately fake) posters that simply ooze with awesome 80's cheesiness. The latest object of his desire is an obscure 80's slasher-opus titled The Hills Run Red, a film that was only screened once and immediately banned, mainly due to the film's alleged instances of extreme violence and sadism. Adding to the mystery, the stars were never found, and the director apparently went into a self-imposed exile, and has not been heard from since. Now, if you've seen at least one horror movie, alarm bells should be ringing. Resigned with the knowledge that he will likely never see Hills, he attempts to satisfy himself by watching the film's crudely made trailer over, and over, and over again.

Fortunately, hope comes in the form of scantily clad women when Tyler tracks down the director's daughter, Alexa (Sophie Monk) to a strip club. Y'see, Alexa was a star in Hills, and Tyler hopes to gain some juicy behind-the-scenes info from her. What he finds, however, is a scarred young woman who likes playing with an ornate dagger AND injecting herself with heroin. Clearly, this is someone who has done well for themselves after show business. But Tyler ain't gonna have any of this, dag nubbit. He's a FAN. Acting as all dedicated fans would, he forces her to detox (a nicely edited sequence), and with her, Serina and Lalo in tow, sets out to make his own documentary on the lost slasher flick. This means going to the shooting locations. In the woods. I'll repeat it: deep in the woods. For someone as deeply in love with the genre as Tyler, one would think he would have at least some worries about going into a green No-Man's Land, but hey, he is a character in a slasher movie. Little do they know, the object of their desire never stopped shooting, and the hulking, masked killer known as "Babyface" is stalking them" and he"s all too eager to meet his new "cast members".

As you've likely gathered from the plot synopsis, this ain't out to break any new ground. And that's just it: it ain't trying to be "THE NEXT BIG THING IN HORROR". Instead, it acts as a sort of love letter to the horror genre in general. The film's humor doesn't quite reach the same level of self-reference as Scream, but there are still many winks and nudges; be it Lalo's theory on civilization and "ass-loving rednecks", to his decision to bring a handgun along, cause you just know they'll be needing one. The knowing in-jokes could very easily have become over-bearing, and truth be told, when a villain near the end talks about screen transitions, it does become a little hard not to slap your forehead and groan. Luckily, for the most part, it works well, because after all, the movie is actually about trying to find another movie, and we have a hero who is a self-professed film buff.

So many times in a slasher film, you couldn't give a rats ass about the main characters AKA meat sacks. You don't care about them as human beings, you just look at your watch, counting down towards the moment when the killer jumps out and wipes them off the face of the Earth. If these self-centered, obnoxious asses don't die, you WILL feel cheated. Its a fact. Which is all the more refreshing that we don't exactly want these people to die. Not that they're particularly deep characters, with Alexa as the tortured director's daughter by far coming off as the most interesting; but they're still likable enough that you secretly hope that they make it out alive. But then that would mean being robbed of a good kill, and that would get you antsy, you contradictory so-and-so's.

Traditionally, a slasher film lives and dies based on the strength of its kills and antagonist. So how do they rank up? The bloodshed seems surprisingly restrained, given the film's core concept. That being said, there is an intensely gory and disturbing pre-credits sequence detailing the back story of Babyface, and many of the film-within-a-film kills, though brief, will easily satisfy one's bloodlust, as well as a variety of stabbings, bludgeonings, mutilation, and an impaling. Don't worry folks; things do get wet. It would have been preferable if the murders were done with more old-school techniques, as there is some iffy CGI for at least one of the deaths, but the work is solid overall. And of the film's killer? Simply put, Babyface is easily one of the most genuinely horrifying and imposing screen presences ever to have come to the genre. Everything, from the shattered doll mask, to the baby rattle (yes, you read that correctly) make him one of the most iconic killers I've ever seen. Besides, when was the last time you were actually scared by a slasher? Surprisingly, one of his greatest moments isn't even centered around a kill, but is handled so well that it will easily send a chill down your spine.

Arguably the film's biggest weakness is the introduction of the third act twist. Even though it takes the film into much darker and warped territory, as well as offering genuinely amusing commentary on the current "torture porn" sub-genre, those who expected straight-up slasher fare will likely be disappointed. It is also here that the more painful instances of the self-referential dialogue show up. However, unlike many slasher films that feature the Final Girl and a triumphant ending, Hills slides fully into doom and despair in the final act, and ends on a genuinely unsettling coda.

This isn't a film that is going to convert newcomers into the horror genre. Rather, it is made strictly for people who have a genuine passion for such films, and also serves to remind that the genre, despite the jaw-dropping amount of crappy remakes and crappier original films, is still alive and kicking.

Eden Log

It is a general rule of thumb that waking up in a cave sets a pretty negative tone for the rest of your day. Ever had one of those days where you wake up, and immediately come down with a case of Oh-God-I-really-really-don't-want-to-get-up-and-face-the-day-itis? Research has shown that nearly everyone experiences this ailment at least once every month. Two commonly recognized cures are either hitting the snooze button and sleeping another 10 minutes, or give your employer a SOB story about how your visiting cousin from Ecuador managed to give you an extremely rare disease. But, when you wake up in a cave, one generally doesn't go back to sleep for another few minutes. Generally, because they're in a CAVE. One would think that such a start is pretty hard to beat in terms of overall awfulness. Think again. Now imagine you're waking up in a cave, with no idea as to who you are. You're alone, afraid, no clue as to who you are, and you're being hunted by...something.

This is the situation facing our poor, unnamed hero (Clovis Cornillac). Not only does he find himself in a cave, but his only companion is a corpse (Note: corpses keep extremely poor company). This is a predicament commonly experienced by those in dire straights, or just someone waking up to face the most horrible hangover imaginable. Now, I'm going to say it right here: it is extremely possible that this opening sequence will lose half of Log's potential audience, as our Lone Wanderer (sorry Bethesda, couldn't resist) makes his way out of the cave in a sequence that is minutes of pitch black being illuminated by a strobe light (does ANYONE like strobe lights?), to reveal a shadowy figure grunting and stumbling around. Then darkness. Then a strobe. More grunting. And on...and on...and on... Mercifully, he manages to escape the cave and its strobe light, which is easily the most evil lighting effect known to man. Escaping the cave hardly means his troubles are over, as the distant shrieks of something most definitely not human kindly remind him, and he soon finds himself in a portion of a subterranean society called Eden Log. Y'see, Eden Log, as the propaganda-spewing holograms tell us, is supposed to be a utopia, a final resting place. But as is always the case, something has gone wrong in paradise, as now our wanderer must contend with a vicious group of soldiers; monsters that, from the looks of them, should be at a family reunion with the humanoids from The Descent; and an enormous, carnivorous plant root; as well as trying to piece together his past as well as just what happened in Eden Log.

To start, this is a tricky film to categorize, as it straddles the lines of several genres, yet never finds one to snuggle in. The film has been as marketed as sci-fi/horror, but with the exceptions of some nifty landscapes and the aforementioned holograms, there's not much in it that could allow one to easily declare it a science-fiction film. Also, though the mutants are appropriately grotesque and menacing, they never come off as that much of a threat, with their few meetings with the hero consist mainly of them roaring and smacking the poor guy around. So...what is it? If anything, the film is more a moody, downbeat look at just how far humanity will go to create a personal Eden, even if it means their complete loss of innocence through deception and unimaginable cruelty. Trying to remain vague here, as though the film moves at quite a slow pace, the eventual solution to the mystery surrounding Eden Log and its violent demise is very satisfying, and the admittedly confusing, allegory-drenched climax is, if nothing else, visually brilliant.

The film's pace is sure to throw many off, as much of the film's running time is Cornillac making his way through the ruins of this underground world, where more questions are raised then answered. The film is extremely light on dialogue, with only a couple scenes where our hero actually interacts with another survivor. One is filled with somewhat stilted dialogue, and the other exists to set up our hero as one of the staples of science fiction: the mysterious man with an unexplained power that enables him to deal with whatever obstacle lies in his way. The film is much more a mood piece, and most of the delight one gains from the film is drinking in its world in all its terrible beauty. To this extent, the film is often stunning to watch, creating a marvelously designed landscape where all color seems to have died off with everyone else, leaving only black and chrome. With the metallic structures brilliantly contrasting with the darkness, as well as the seeming fusion of the flesh-eating root with its man-made surroundings, one expects that somewhere H.R. Giger is thoughtfully nodding his head. In fact, despite a solid performance from Cornillac (for once, a character whose only emotions seem to be perplexed and pissed off actually work for the movie), he is given little character development other than he has a mysterious ability to Hulk-out and combat the mutants and soldiers with ease, the actual world and all its nuances comes off as the more interesting character.

Eden Log is most definitely not a film for everyone. Myself, I'm still not sure how I feel about the movie, even though my final thoughts were mostly positive. When the film works, it works, and the end revelations shine with true brilliance. Its all the more frustrating then that the film is often uneven, with many segments that drag on far longer than they should, *looks at beginning strobe light scene*, and the reveal of the hero's identity is rather trite and underwhelming. Finally, even though I'm all for ambiguity, I wish that the hero's power was explained in greater detail, and exactly what the blazes happens in the end. That being said, I'm unable to stop thinking about it, and this definitely is a film that should be experienced, if you happen to be craving something that takes a little from Column A, and a little from Column B, and manages to create something pleasingly different. If the film had a bit more of a budget to illustrate the world it creates, and a bit more time to fully flesh out the ideas it puts forth, we very well could have been given a near classic.

Splinter

As anyone knows me will attest, I LOVE monster movies. From rampaging behemoths such as Godzilla to the sublimely twisted fusion of flesh and metal that is Alien, creature featutures have been able to effortlessly capture my imagination since the tender age of 5, when I was given my first dose of Godzilla. Besides, time for you to face some facts about yourself. What would rather you see: someone struggling to find their way in life, wading through a sea of catty social encounters, AND dealing with some traumatic event from their past that rears its head at inoppurtune moments; OR a seriously badass monster inflicting all manner of extreme mayhem on poor, helpless peeps as they scramble to stay alive AND avoid tripping on their rapidly unspooling intestines? If you prefer the former, I advise you stop reading right now, and go enjoy your copy of Closer. Unfortunately, my quest to find a good monster romp has led me to be burned a good number of times; often by the lurid and colorful cover art of the B-movies populating the video store near my house at the time. Being young and impressionable, it was hard not being seduced by thr cover art, which if nothing else, promised a fun time. Sigh... what I would get instead would be complete shoozefests that consisted of people wandering through poorly lit environments, with bland young people trundling long waxing poetic about...sex and drugs, of all things. And when the monster(s) would finally show up, it would either be a CGI fabrication of equal, or less, quality then Playstation 1 cinematics, or a suit of such low quality that somewhere, somehow, 1960's era Daiei Studios was shaking their heads in pity (created Gamera in the 60's in order to compete with Godzilla. Long story short...it didn't work, until the 90's revival. Look them up to get the full meaning of the joke.)

Outside of these digital pieces of excrement, there was no real way to satisfy my monster fix, what with any critter centered flick, let alone a good one, being released sporadically. Oh, to live in the golden era of the B-movie, where you could hardly walk down the street without confronting some new nightmarish beast (usually created by mishandled science, and then solved by the most rugged scientists you'd ever lay eyes on. Ironic...). Then, along came the little film that could, Splinter. A film that offers up a simple, people-putting-aside-their-differences-to-fight-a-common-enemy siege story, it accomplishes exactly what it sets out do to; entertain you. It disregards any opportunity to throw any postmodern winks at the audience and instead acts as a sort of love letter to past B-monster movies; indeed, it snuggles most comfortably with John Carpenter's The Thing, especially regarding the nature of its beast. And friends, what a beast it is.

I am of the belief that anyone wearing a hat proclaiming "I Heart Bikinis" is someone who deserves to be immediately removed from the gene pool. Luckily, the black spined...thing lurking in the woods happens to agree, and promptly kills the lone gas station attendant in possession of said hat. We are then introduced to young couple Seth and Polly during their anniversary. He's the bookish, shy type, with a Ph.d in Biology (he's NOT a doctor, y'know), and she's the vibrant, outdoorsy type. One look at them easily brings to mind questions along the lines of "how'd he get a looker like her...?"; luckily, the actors share such a natural chemistry that any disbelieving is quickly thrown to the wind. Hoping to spend their anniversary under the stars, their plans are mucked up by Seth in the most spectacularly inept way. Their plans for a secondary retreat at a motel are foiled when escaped convict Dennis and his detoxing (and completely loopy) girlfriend take them as hostages (seeing as he has an entire state of pissed off police officers bearing down on him). After some verbal abusing of Seth (he can't even drive a stick-shift), the group's car breaks down after running over the creature that killed the gas station attendant. Luckily, they're able to get to a nearby gas station. The same one from the opening credits. With no means of communication. With a hideous, parasitical monster wanting very badly to get in. People, place your bets.

This is a film that, as the plot synopsis would indicate, is hardly original. And as is the case with many lower-budget films, the problems are slightly more obvious than higher budget, mainstream fare. That being said, while hardly perfect, Splinter is easily one of the more entertaining films I've sat down for the last little while. Hearkening back to the creature-feature flicks of the 80's, the newbie director takes a simple premise and delivers a lean (barely clocking over 80 minutes) and mean debut feature. However, as with previous films I've talked about, being unoriginal doesn't mean something should instantly dismissed. It only takes a director's enthusiasm and commitment to tired material to make it interesting. Toby Wilkins delivers this in spades.

One of the more refreshing aspects of the film are the way the characters are handled. They aren't treated as disposable monster fodder, and even though they are to a degree recognizable archetypes, there are actual personalities built around them, and as a result we actually begin to care about these people. There are no groan-worthy moves carried out by our protagonists, and surprisingly, their plans to escape and fight back actually involve forsight and planning. Wow, someone call Guiness. Dennis is one of the more interesting characters, and despite engaging in the 'hardened badass' cliches, he morphs from a completely unlikeable, despicable human being into a surprisingly layered, sympathetic character. Polly is extremely fun to watch as well, and given her kick-ass attitude constant standing up to Dennis in the initial early moments, one gets the impression that she could very easily have become a Ripley for the new millennium. Almost a shame then that she didn't have as much to do when things got truly hairy. Seth is the weakest character, for several reasons. For one, one gets the distinct impression that he could be due for a new backbone transplant. I don't know about you, but if someone smashed my girlfriend on the back of her head and called her a "fucking idiot", I wouldn't just take that standing and do absolutely nothing. Also, his knowledge of all things biological comes off as a bit too convenient when it comes down to understanding the nature of the creature; the snap deductions he makes regarding its physical makeup come off as a bit contrived. Finally, there's a reaction from him that came damn near to taking me entirely out of the movie. Upon his first direct with the concert, he speaks so matter-of-factly it comes to the point of him sounding more bored than anything else, while a more appropriate reaction would be along the lines of "JESUSFUCKINGCHRISTFUCKINGMONSTERAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

Now, regarding the monster, if one imagined the lovechild of the title creature from The Thing and the sentient vine from The Ruins, you might get an idea as to what exactly this thing is. I'm not going to go into much specifics, as I think the monster is one of the coolest to come down the pike for the last couple of years, but here goes. Essentially, its a needle organism that burrows into the flesh of its host, and proceeds to take it over. Then things get nasty. It doesn't need the whole body to function, just parts of it. Also, its a creature obviously unfamiliar with the workings of the human body, and contorts the bodies of its host in absolutely hideous ways in order move around. Seeing this thing in motion...there's really no adequate way to do it justice. Needless to say, you won't be able to look away. Unfortunately, likely for budgetary reasons, Wilkins employs shaky-cam for most of the creature attacks. While not really as irritating as most have made it out to be, it still renders the creature slightly hard to make out, and is still frustrating. Despite this, the final form of the monster is a masterwork of twisted flesh that would be proud to call Silent Hill its home. Besides, its done with old school, prosthetic effects. What more incentive do you need?

Given the brevity of the film, there is no obvious explanation for the creature. There are several throw away clues that may or may not have to do with anything, but aside from those, nothing else is given. It is simply introduced, the rules laid out, and the blood spilled. Simple, and to the point.

I'll admit, for the first 15 minutes or so, I wasn't entirely won over. The crime-thriller aspect felt weak, and the language almost felt like a Tarantino impersonator. But when the beastie came out to play, and the siege fully kicked in, along with some absolutely hideous acts of violence doled out by the creature, I was absolutely hooked. My advice? Kick off your shoes, get some friends over, and go on a trip down Memory Lane. You won't be disappointed.