
As anyone knows me will attest, I LOVE monster movies. From rampaging behemoths such as Godzilla to the sublimely twisted fusion of flesh and metal that is Alien, creature featutures have been able to effortlessly capture my imagination since the tender age of 5, when I was given my first dose of Godzilla. Besides, time for you to face some facts about yourself. What would rather you see: someone struggling to find their way in life, wading through a sea of catty social encounters, AND dealing with some traumatic event from their past that rears its head at inoppurtune moments; OR a seriously badass monster inflicting all manner of extreme mayhem on poor, helpless peeps as they scramble to stay alive AND avoid tripping on their rapidly unspooling intestines? If you prefer the former, I advise you stop reading right now, and go enjoy your copy of Closer. Unfortunately, my quest to find a good monster romp has led me to be burned a good number of times; often by the lurid and colorful cover art of the B-movies populating the video store near my house at the time. Being young and impressionable, it was hard not being seduced by thr cover art, which if nothing else, promised a fun time. Sigh... what I would get instead would be complete shoozefests that consisted of people wandering through poorly lit environments, with bland young people trundling long waxing poetic about...sex and drugs, of all things. And when the monster(s) would finally show up, it would either be a CGI fabrication of equal, or less, quality then Playstation 1 cinematics, or a suit of such low quality that somewhere, somehow, 1960's era Daiei Studios was shaking their heads in pity (created Gamera in the 60's in order to compete with Godzilla. Long story short...it didn't work, until the 90's revival. Look them up to get the full meaning of the joke.)
Outside of these digital pieces of excrement, there was no real way to satisfy my monster fix, what with any critter centered flick, let alone a good one, being released sporadically. Oh, to live in the golden era of the B-movie, where you could hardly walk down the street without confronting some new nightmarish beast (usually created by mishandled science, and then solved by the most rugged scientists you'd ever lay eyes on. Ironic...). Then, along came the little film that could, Splinter. A film that offers up a simple, people-putting-aside-their-differences-to-fight-a-common-enemy siege story, it accomplishes exactly what it sets out do to; entertain you. It disregards any opportunity to throw any postmodern winks at the audience and instead acts as a sort of love letter to past B-monster movies; indeed, it snuggles most comfortably with John Carpenter's The Thing, especially regarding the nature of its beast. And friends, what a beast it is.
I am of the belief that anyone wearing a hat proclaiming "I Heart Bikinis" is someone who deserves to be immediately removed from the gene pool. Luckily, the black spined...thing lurking in the woods happens to agree, and promptly kills the lone gas station attendant in possession of said hat. We are then introduced to young couple Seth and Polly during their anniversary. He's the bookish, shy type, with a Ph.d in Biology (he's NOT a doctor, y'know), and she's the vibrant, outdoorsy type. One look at them easily brings to mind questions along the lines of "how'd he get a looker like her...?"; luckily, the actors share such a natural chemistry that any disbelieving is quickly thrown to the wind. Hoping to spend their anniversary under the stars, their plans are mucked up by Seth in the most spectacularly inept way. Their plans for a secondary retreat at a motel are foiled when escaped convict Dennis and his detoxing (and completely loopy) girlfriend take them as hostages (seeing as he has an entire state of pissed off police officers bearing down on him). After some verbal abusing of Seth (he can't even drive a stick-shift), the group's car breaks down after running over the creature that killed the gas station attendant. Luckily, they're able to get to a nearby gas station. The same one from the opening credits. With no means of communication. With a hideous, parasitical monster wanting very badly to get in. People, place your bets.
This is a film that, as the plot synopsis would indicate, is hardly original. And as is the case with many lower-budget films, the problems are slightly more obvious than higher budget, mainstream fare. That being said, while hardly perfect, Splinter is easily one of the more entertaining films I've sat down for the last little while. Hearkening back to the creature-feature flicks of the 80's, the newbie director takes a simple premise and delivers a lean (barely clocking over 80 minutes) and mean debut feature. However, as with previous films I've talked about, being unoriginal doesn't mean something should instantly dismissed. It only takes a director's enthusiasm and commitment to tired material to make it interesting. Toby Wilkins delivers this in spades.
One of the more refreshing aspects of the film are the way the characters are handled. They aren't treated as disposable monster fodder, and even though they are to a degree recognizable archetypes, there are actual personalities built around them, and as a result we actually begin to care about these people. There are no groan-worthy moves carried out by our protagonists, and surprisingly, their plans to escape and fight back actually involve forsight and planning. Wow, someone call Guiness. Dennis is one of the more interesting characters, and despite engaging in the 'hardened badass' cliches, he morphs from a completely unlikeable, despicable human being into a surprisingly layered, sympathetic character. Polly is extremely fun to watch as well, and given her kick-ass attitude constant standing up to Dennis in the initial early moments, one gets the impression that she could very easily have become a Ripley for the new millennium. Almost a shame then that she didn't have as much to do when things got truly hairy. Seth is the weakest character, for several reasons. For one, one gets the distinct impression that he could be due for a new backbone transplant. I don't know about you, but if someone smashed my girlfriend on the back of her head and called her a "fucking idiot", I wouldn't just take that standing and do absolutely nothing. Also, his knowledge of all things biological comes off as a bit too convenient when it comes down to understanding the nature of the creature; the snap deductions he makes regarding its physical makeup come off as a bit contrived. Finally, there's a reaction from him that came damn near to taking me entirely out of the movie. Upon his first direct with the concert, he speaks so matter-of-factly it comes to the point of him sounding more bored than anything else, while a more appropriate reaction would be along the lines of "JESUSFUCKINGCHRISTFUCKINGMONSTERAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."
Now, regarding the monster, if one imagined the lovechild of the title creature from The Thing and the sentient vine from The Ruins, you might get an idea as to what exactly this thing is. I'm not going to go into much specifics, as I think the monster is one of the coolest to come down the pike for the last couple of years, but here goes. Essentially, its a needle organism that burrows into the flesh of its host, and proceeds to take it over. Then things get nasty. It doesn't need the whole body to function, just parts of it. Also, its a creature obviously unfamiliar with the workings of the human body, and contorts the bodies of its host in absolutely hideous ways in order move around. Seeing this thing in motion...there's really no adequate way to do it justice. Needless to say, you won't be able to look away. Unfortunately, likely for budgetary reasons, Wilkins employs shaky-cam for most of the creature attacks. While not really as irritating as most have made it out to be, it still renders the creature slightly hard to make out, and is still frustrating. Despite this, the final form of the monster is a masterwork of twisted flesh that would be proud to call Silent Hill its home. Besides, its done with old school, prosthetic effects. What more incentive do you need?
Given the brevity of the film, there is no obvious explanation for the creature. There are several throw away clues that may or may not have to do with anything, but aside from those, nothing else is given. It is simply introduced, the rules laid out, and the blood spilled. Simple, and to the point.
I'll admit, for the first 15 minutes or so, I wasn't entirely won over. The crime-thriller aspect felt weak, and the language almost felt like a Tarantino impersonator. But when the beastie came out to play, and the siege fully kicked in, along with some absolutely hideous acts of violence doled out by the creature, I was absolutely hooked. My advice? Kick off your shoes, get some friends over, and go on a trip down Memory Lane. You won't be disappointed.
Outside of these digital pieces of excrement, there was no real way to satisfy my monster fix, what with any critter centered flick, let alone a good one, being released sporadically. Oh, to live in the golden era of the B-movie, where you could hardly walk down the street without confronting some new nightmarish beast (usually created by mishandled science, and then solved by the most rugged scientists you'd ever lay eyes on. Ironic...). Then, along came the little film that could, Splinter. A film that offers up a simple, people-putting-aside-their-differences-to-fight-a-common-enemy siege story, it accomplishes exactly what it sets out do to; entertain you. It disregards any opportunity to throw any postmodern winks at the audience and instead acts as a sort of love letter to past B-monster movies; indeed, it snuggles most comfortably with John Carpenter's The Thing, especially regarding the nature of its beast. And friends, what a beast it is.
I am of the belief that anyone wearing a hat proclaiming "I Heart Bikinis" is someone who deserves to be immediately removed from the gene pool. Luckily, the black spined...thing lurking in the woods happens to agree, and promptly kills the lone gas station attendant in possession of said hat. We are then introduced to young couple Seth and Polly during their anniversary. He's the bookish, shy type, with a Ph.d in Biology (he's NOT a doctor, y'know), and she's the vibrant, outdoorsy type. One look at them easily brings to mind questions along the lines of "how'd he get a looker like her...?"; luckily, the actors share such a natural chemistry that any disbelieving is quickly thrown to the wind. Hoping to spend their anniversary under the stars, their plans are mucked up by Seth in the most spectacularly inept way. Their plans for a secondary retreat at a motel are foiled when escaped convict Dennis and his detoxing (and completely loopy) girlfriend take them as hostages (seeing as he has an entire state of pissed off police officers bearing down on him). After some verbal abusing of Seth (he can't even drive a stick-shift), the group's car breaks down after running over the creature that killed the gas station attendant. Luckily, they're able to get to a nearby gas station. The same one from the opening credits. With no means of communication. With a hideous, parasitical monster wanting very badly to get in. People, place your bets.
This is a film that, as the plot synopsis would indicate, is hardly original. And as is the case with many lower-budget films, the problems are slightly more obvious than higher budget, mainstream fare. That being said, while hardly perfect, Splinter is easily one of the more entertaining films I've sat down for the last little while. Hearkening back to the creature-feature flicks of the 80's, the newbie director takes a simple premise and delivers a lean (barely clocking over 80 minutes) and mean debut feature. However, as with previous films I've talked about, being unoriginal doesn't mean something should instantly dismissed. It only takes a director's enthusiasm and commitment to tired material to make it interesting. Toby Wilkins delivers this in spades.
One of the more refreshing aspects of the film are the way the characters are handled. They aren't treated as disposable monster fodder, and even though they are to a degree recognizable archetypes, there are actual personalities built around them, and as a result we actually begin to care about these people. There are no groan-worthy moves carried out by our protagonists, and surprisingly, their plans to escape and fight back actually involve forsight and planning. Wow, someone call Guiness. Dennis is one of the more interesting characters, and despite engaging in the 'hardened badass' cliches, he morphs from a completely unlikeable, despicable human being into a surprisingly layered, sympathetic character. Polly is extremely fun to watch as well, and given her kick-ass attitude constant standing up to Dennis in the initial early moments, one gets the impression that she could very easily have become a Ripley for the new millennium. Almost a shame then that she didn't have as much to do when things got truly hairy. Seth is the weakest character, for several reasons. For one, one gets the distinct impression that he could be due for a new backbone transplant. I don't know about you, but if someone smashed my girlfriend on the back of her head and called her a "fucking idiot", I wouldn't just take that standing and do absolutely nothing. Also, his knowledge of all things biological comes off as a bit too convenient when it comes down to understanding the nature of the creature; the snap deductions he makes regarding its physical makeup come off as a bit contrived. Finally, there's a reaction from him that came damn near to taking me entirely out of the movie. Upon his first direct with the concert, he speaks so matter-of-factly it comes to the point of him sounding more bored than anything else, while a more appropriate reaction would be along the lines of "JESUSFUCKINGCHRISTFUCKINGMONSTERAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."
Now, regarding the monster, if one imagined the lovechild of the title creature from The Thing and the sentient vine from The Ruins, you might get an idea as to what exactly this thing is. I'm not going to go into much specifics, as I think the monster is one of the coolest to come down the pike for the last couple of years, but here goes. Essentially, its a needle organism that burrows into the flesh of its host, and proceeds to take it over. Then things get nasty. It doesn't need the whole body to function, just parts of it. Also, its a creature obviously unfamiliar with the workings of the human body, and contorts the bodies of its host in absolutely hideous ways in order move around. Seeing this thing in motion...there's really no adequate way to do it justice. Needless to say, you won't be able to look away. Unfortunately, likely for budgetary reasons, Wilkins employs shaky-cam for most of the creature attacks. While not really as irritating as most have made it out to be, it still renders the creature slightly hard to make out, and is still frustrating. Despite this, the final form of the monster is a masterwork of twisted flesh that would be proud to call Silent Hill its home. Besides, its done with old school, prosthetic effects. What more incentive do you need?
Given the brevity of the film, there is no obvious explanation for the creature. There are several throw away clues that may or may not have to do with anything, but aside from those, nothing else is given. It is simply introduced, the rules laid out, and the blood spilled. Simple, and to the point.
I'll admit, for the first 15 minutes or so, I wasn't entirely won over. The crime-thriller aspect felt weak, and the language almost felt like a Tarantino impersonator. But when the beastie came out to play, and the siege fully kicked in, along with some absolutely hideous acts of violence doled out by the creature, I was absolutely hooked. My advice? Kick off your shoes, get some friends over, and go on a trip down Memory Lane. You won't be disappointed.