I just want to state right off the bat that I've always been against remakes. However, remakes that take the core concept of the original and expand on it in new and interesting ways, I'm fine with; case in point: John Carpenter's The Thing, and Cronenberg's redux of The Fly I see as being on equal ground, if not superior, to the original films. Unfortunately, the Dowdle Brothers are most definitely not Carpenter or Cronenberg.
When a remake instead decides to copy the source film to the point of out right plagiarism, that's where the issues arise. And that is the perfect segue into the main topic of this post, the film Quarantine, the latest in a long line of pointless Hollywood remakes. The rationale behind this latest piece of fodder? Western audiences are frightened by subtitles as well as actors who aren't immediately familiar. Give me a break. That's the best reason the executive powers can come up with for green lighting a remake of a foreign film, REC, that's barely been out for a year?
On to the actual movie. We are immediately introduced to television reporter Angela Vidal (Dexter's Jennifer Carpenter) and her cameraman. The duo's latest assignment is to do a human-interest piece on the late-shift at a local fire station. She's immediately introduced to her two guides for the night: Jake (Jay Hernandez) and George Fletcher a.k.a Sleazy 'Stache. Angela and crew fight the crushing boredom through a series of inane sexual innuendos (the word 'hose' mentioned several times in the shower room. Get it? You laughing?) and a friendly game of basketball before (Thank Christ) the crew is dispatched to an apartment building. Angela tags along, clearly hoping for any form of action to make up for the night. Let me tell you, she gets it in spades. The four are met by two policemen who inform that an older woman had fallen in her apartment and gone into hysterics. Clearly, it is a slow night in the city if the presence of two fire fighters and policemen are needed for a crazy old woman who tripped and fell in her own apartment. The woman doesn't take too kindly to her would be rescuer's intentions, and proceeds to rip out the throat of one of the police officer's. Clearly perturbed by this un-lady like show of behavior, the 'Stache and his companions seek medical attention for the man, only to discover the building has been sealed off (hence 'Quarantine') by an over zealous military who presumably plan on letting the problem solve itself while just sitting back and twiddling their thumbs. Things quickly get worse: the power goes out, and the inhabitants discover that they're being stalked by the copy-and-pasted script from REC, and it is pissed off.
Let me say that this is not so much a terrible film (head and shoulders above the Wicker Man and Halloween remakes) as it is a terribly unnecessary one. It's clear that the Dowdle Brothers have respect for the source material, except they really have little-to-no idea how to take the original, admittedly not perfect, and make it something truly their own. Their insistence on literally filming Quarantine shot-for-shot to the original only raises the question: why imitate the film to a 't' when the original could just as easily be released? Oh yeah, the subtitle thing... Actually, I should correct myself. There is new content, only problem is the new footage is terribly pointless, such as the firehouse opener being stretched by at least 5 minutes, and another sequence which is literally just Jake walking down the hallways, knocking on doors, and being glared at by the people inside.
Aside from those two sequences, the urge the Dowdles have to treat their own film as a paint-by-numbers version of REC contributes to the film's biggest, and completely unforgivable sin: its not scary.Keep this in mind folks: it takes a great deal of effort to take everything that was genuinely terrifying about REC and instead make it boring. Every set-piece scare either takes way too long to get going, such as the first attack, or handled so abruptly there's no real chance for the scare to sink in, such as 'Stache being thrown down several flights and falling to his death. The ending is a complete waste as well, with Angela and her cameraman meeting a 'Patient Zero'-esque creature in one of the rooms; a sequence that should have been intense, but comes off as laughable, mainly due to the horrendous creature make-up. I love Doug Jones as a monster preformer, but he may go down as one of the least frightening monsters in recent memory.
The infected are handled poorly as well, with the truly disturbing guttural roars from REC into "Generic Monster Squeal #11" from the stock sound effect library. Having monsters who sound like a squeaky elevator door opening every time they open their mouth is not exactly the last word in horror.
Not all is a complete waste. The acting is solid, if unremarkable throughout, with Carpenter handling herself well for the initial acts, only to have her performance quickly degenerate into an assortment of sobs and screams. In fact, her screaming soon becomes louder and more frightening than the shrieks of the infected residents. Jay Hernandez is again, solid enough, but nothing really else to it. He does handle himself well in the action scenes, and even manages to pull off a few rousing finishing moves against the creatures.
I'll actually have to correct myself on one point: the Dowdles did include yet another part to the film, in this case a tweaking of the original's ending. For much of REC, the scenario had been treated as yet another mystery virus gone amok. By the ending, there was another plot point introduced; while admittedly out of field, was extremely frightening and brought about a whole new level of ambiguity to the mystery. The director seemingly has no patience for such ambiguity, and offers his own solution to the outbreak of the virus: one that is handled in such a painfully clumsy, inept matter that the only response elicted from the audience I saw this with was laughter. I'm sure this is not the intended effect the makers had in mind...
*Spoilers*
Angela discovers a series of newspaper clippings that helpfully explain the cause of the madness. You see, a 'Doomsday Cult' had managed to break into a weapons facility and steal their beloved 'Armageddon Virus'. Then, for no other reason except plot convenience, the cult unleashes this weapon on a typically drab apartment complex. I for one have had problems sleeping ever since I came to the realization that somewhere, somehow, a Doomsday cult could be stealing an Armageddon virus. Could even be happening right as we speak. It could happen here!
*End Spoilers*
Here's a shout out to Hollywood: I do not break into the willies whenever I have to read subtitles or encounter actors who aren't constantly being branded the most beautiful people on the planet. time to respect your audience, and release genuinely good pieces of film making, and not this watered down drivel that is quickly becoming the bane of horror fans everywhere.
And there you go. If anyone is out there, hope you enjoyed it well enough, and I will be back soon with a review of Ils (Them). Ciao.
Nice review.
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